Friday, 30 November 2012

Don't Judge Me

Forget about mean girls, when you become a parent a new breed of school yard behaviour begins. They are the mean mummies.

Mean Mummies are the ones who judge us mere mortals and make us feel like we are doing a rubbish job. They give the 'look', if you have been on the receiving end of one of these looks, then you will know what I'm talking about.

Yesterday, The Huffington Post Parents held its no judgement day. I'm going to share with you a few thing that may not win me any parenting awards, but help me get through the days. They gave theirs and here are mine:

* Don't judge me because I use the TV as a babysitter when Damien gets up at 5am. I'm in no mood to do arts and crafts.

* Don't judge me because I have to drive my boys to sleep everyday for their naps.

* Don't judge me because my toddler shouts his head off all the way around the supermarket.

* Don't judge me because sometimes I wipe their snotty nose on my sleeve if I forget my wet wipes.

* Don't judge me because I sometimes give them sweets for a few minute peace.

* Don't judge me because sometimes I put them to bed early, because I have just had enough.

* Don't judge me if I use bribes to get then to do what I want.

* Don't judge me if they are wearing odd socks and food covered clothes.

* Don't judge me because my baby will only go to sleep at night whilst being pushed in his buggy.

* Don't judge me because my house is so messy, I would rather admit to being burgled, than not cleaned.

*Don't judge me, if I cook several dinners just so they eat something.

We need to leave this judgemental behaviour at the school gate where it belongs.

None of us are perfect, but please mean mummies stop projecting your own insecurities on to us and leave us to do it our own way.

There is enough guilt already surrounding the way we parent. We don't need you adding to it.

I'd love to know what people shouldn't judge you for.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Toddler to Teenager

Since turning three, my toddler has morphed into a teenager! Wow, I thought the terrible two stage was bad but now we have a threenager.

Classic examples:
"What do you want for dinner?" His reply: "Nothing!"

"What would you like to do today?" His reply: "Nothing!"

"What did you do at preschool?" Yep you guessed it: "Nothing!"

Sometimes we get a variation in reply if he feels like mixing it up;

"Did you have fun?" His reply: "No"

"Shall we go to Tesco?" His reply: "No, I don't want to."

"Shall we go for a drive?" He says: "I'm not going."

I'm just waiting for the "it's so unfair" and "you're ruining my life" and the transformation will be complete.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

I'm calling Father Christmas

God I love Christmas. Chestnuts roasting on a open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, mistletoe and wine, children singing christian rhyme, logs on the fire and gifts on the tree. STOP! Yes, I love it for all those reasons, but mainly because it's the one time of the year that the ultimate bribe can be used. "If you're naughty, Father Christmas won't come!" Is that mean? Come on hands up who else uses this one. There are several variations on this bribe that work equally well:

  • "Remember, Father Christmas doesn't bring presents to naughty boys/girls and he can see everything."
  • "Shall I phone Father Christmas and let him know you are being naughty?"
  • "Look at those birds, they are Father Christmas's helpers and will fly back to the North Pole and tell him what you have been up to."
Now, we have to wait a whole year before this bribe works and to be honest, I am currently milking it for all I can get.

Take tonight for example, I have already been on the phone to the man dressed in red with a white beard whilst trying to get Damien to go to sleep. The conversation went as followed, whilst Damien intently listened in:

"Hi is that Father Christmas?"
"Oh hello, it's Damien's mum."
" Yes, he won't go to sleep."
"Very naughty behaviour indeed."
"Oh, you have already got him the Power Ranger Samurai Remote"
"OK, I'll tell him you will only bring it if he sleeps."

With me hanging up the phone Damien rolled over and started to go to sleep. Well I thought my luck was in. Only two minutes later, he starts playing up again. "Do I need to call Father Christmas back?"
"Yes!" said Damien, hmmm now what do I do? So I picked up my mobile and pretended to call him and said the line was engaged and that I shall try again in a minute. Think of it as a warning. With that he turned back over and went to sleep. Result!

I have to admit, I find myself saying it quite a lot but I know I am not alone. I heard one mum telling her little one they couldn't have a toy, because there wouldn't be any left for Santa to buy for the children.

I know this won't last and there will come a time when I am no longer able to use this amazing bribe. Like I said, it only has a limited shelf life so I am going to use it before its sell by date in January.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Welcome to the web Ba-Bay

I've recently seen a great new website which I thought you might like, especially if you are anything like us and need to make some room for the mountain of plastic about to descend on your house over Christmas. So without further ado, I will hand over my blog reigns to Chris from Ba-Bay.

"My partner and I thought about all the old toys and clothes we had which
our two year old boy no longer uses or has grown out of.

We usually give things away to our friends who have younger children, unfortunately for us, we don't know anyone with older children who could pass things down to us. Everything we buy is new!

We thought of putting this onto a website so that the people who miss
out, have a bigger opportunity to require items from other families and
who may not be able to afford new clothes and toys all the time. Basically 'Hand-mi-downs' on a website.

Ba-bay is the first of its kind as the website works in 'Tokens' not money, it is basically free, the only thing you sometimes have to pay for is postage and packaging if you are unable to collect the item, some people will even send them for free

You can sell any baby items on Ba-bay from toys and books to furniture.

When someone buys a product from you, you receive tokens which you can
then spend on other items.

We feel that trading items this way will save parents a lot of money and
it is nice to swap items which have been well looked after and give them
to another family who will appreciate them as much as you have. Just like people pass things on in the real world.

As we are new we only have a small number of items on the site at the
moment, we would love for more people to join and pass on their old
things in return for tokens which can be spent on other items which your
child may need."

You can find out more at:


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Sunday, 11 November 2012

How not to get a promotion

I finally found a dress to wear for my big night at a PR award ceremony on Friday night and I have to say it looked amazing.

It looked amazing for all of 30 minutes that is before I was struck down by the dreaded sickness bug.

Picture the scene, and I promise not to be too graphic, but I arrived at the venue looking good and left looking like a ghost. The first wave of sickness struck after ten minutes of being there. I wouldn't have even minded being so well aquatinted with the toilet if it had been self inflicted.

Being out in a different city when you aren't we'll isn't good. I was finally shipped off to my bosses house via taxi thinking at least I will get some rest. Oh no, the taxi driver didn't know where I was staying or how to get there........and neither did I.

After asking three other taxi drivers in Bath, we finally made it back. This was after several circuits of the city centre and every ounce of my strength not to decorate the back of his taxi!

I then spent the next few hours being sick into a bucket at my boss's house....Really not a good look!

At 2am my boss came home after winning three gold awards! Woo hoo. I had to get up for the toilet, but it didn't go to plan. I ended up projectile vomiting all across her lounge in front of her, her husband and her mum. Needless to say, I won't be getting a promotion anytime soon or perhaps another invite to stay.

What's worse is that it was my first night out without the kids in a ridiculous amount of time and I spent it being ill.

Has the dreaded bug caught up with you yet?

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

I need a fashion fairy godmother

I have a major dilemma! I am going to an awards ceremony on Friday night and I currently have nothing to wear!

The dress I was planning to wear makes me look like a cross between Jordan and Pamela Anderson and a man! I have only just finished breastfeeding and as a result my boobs are massive and still growing as the milk isn't going away.

Add to that my mummy tummy, which I think requires several pairs of extra large tummy holding in pants and you get the picture.

I have scoured the shops tonight and everything looked like a sack of spuds! I seriously need some help and I am on a serious mission to find a dress in the next 24 hours.

I need a fashion fairy godmother. Help me!