I bet you were starting to wonder what had happened to Damien and Dennis as I haven't reported on their antics for a while. You may even of thought they had swapped their horns for halos.
Damien has actually been slightly better behaved for a few weeks probably rating a seven out of ten on the naughty scale. However, he has clearly been saving it up as he has shifted up several gears recently!
Today has mainly revolved around poo. Just before our play date arrived this afternoon, Damien announced he needed a poo, I just managed to stop him from squatting in the back garden.
He is a private little chap when it comes to his toilet habits, so asked me to leave him to it. He also likes to do it in peace and once told me to turn my music off because he couldn't hear it plop!
Anyhow, as Damien takes ages on the toilet, like Daddy Pig, I decide it would be a good idea to feed Dennis. With the weather being hot, I took the opportunity to cool him down and removed his trousers. Once latched on, I place my hand on my lap and wonder what that wet, warm and sticky sensation on my fingers was, (No this isn't a scene from 50 Shades) it's blooming poo!
I looked down to see my entire thigh covered in yucky baby poo. Dennis is on antibiotics so you can imagine the mess. After a gallant effort to clean myself and Dennis up, I realised Damien has been left unattended for far too long.
I entered the bathroom to find Damien and the floor covered in toothpaste and shower gel. All the toothbrushes had been thrown in the sink and the bath was filled with unwound toilet roll.
I had no choice but to strip him off and then had two naked children and I was only wearing pants. Knowing that I had a guest coming I grabbed the nearest item of clothing, which happened to be my PJ bottoms.
As I headed downstairs, with two naked boys in tow and me looking like I was off to bed, I saw my friends car pull up outside....perfect timing! Damien then made a run for it down the garden path waving his arms in the air and shouting hello at the top of his voice. I followed behind holding another naked child whilst sporting said PJ's.
Once safely inside and situation explained, I headed off to the kitchen to make drinks.
Carrying Dennis in one hand and a drink in the other, Damien pounced on me just as I reached the hall and decided to use my legs as a fireman's pole. The main problem was the elastic on my PJ bottoms is not like it once was and in one foul swoop, Damien has managed to pull them down to my knees.
I am now standing in front of my friend baring my pants! I said to her, "How embarrassing, I'm wearing my mother's pants!" "Don't worry" she replied, "Once you're a mum you don't worry about thongs or things like that." to which I replied, "No, I am literally wearing my mother's pants!"
You see Nannie Plum took pity on Daddy Pig and I recently and did a large amount of clothes washing for us. Somehow on returning the clean, fresh smelling clothes some of her briefs ended up in the pile.....as they say waste not want not!