Weirdo Magnet

For those of you that know me, it's fair to say that I have a canny knack of attracting weirdos. Not content with staring, they actually like to make conversation with me and tell me their entire life story.

One particular place I find is a 'hot spot' for picking up these socially inept and quite frankly crazy people is the train.

Let me take you on my latest train journey, where I'm sat minding my own business and was joined by a male passenger. No talking at all to start with, result I thought. Then we get stuck on the train line and he strikes up a conversation. Here we go...

He decided to tell me he was in the process of breaking up with his wife, how his mum had invested money in his house and he had to pay her back from the proceeds of the sale, the size of his garden, why he was getting divorced, how many times he had been to Disneyland, all about his daughters and his bike accident.

My personal highlight of that journey was being shown his entire collection of holiday photos from his recent trip to Mexico. I could barely contain my excitement. That and him breaking out into song - yes Disney songs.

Only a week before this I endured the same journey from Southampton to Bath with a lady who told me she had contracted an incurable disease from a blood transfusion whilst unconscious and without consent. She then asked for my advice on her legal battle for compensation, how she was bought up in an orphanage, all about her job and why she was going to Bristol for dental work. Crazy lady, but actually lovely.

On an alternative route from Southampton to London I was stalked by a stranger via bluetooth. I can't even begin to write down the Sexually perverse message I received during that journey. The worst part of that was not knowing who was sending the messages. See what I mean, I am clearly a weirdo magnet.

Now, this isn't actually a recent thing. When I was around 14 I had my first stalker, let's call him Mr F for the sake of identity. His family ran the local Indian restaurant and was in the same year at school as my older brother. Mr F took more than a liking to me and became a little obsessed to say the least. He said he would open me a bank account if I went out with him, sent me flowers, letters and sweets. Now my family were incredible supportive. Not!

My brother used to sell him photographs of me and my Dad would to take me to the restaurant to collect our takeaway as we got free food and beer! Bonus. Cheers for that then.

It did turn a little bit more serious when he told me he would slit his wrist and write my name in his blood. Yikes! Following that he was made to come around to my house and apologise to me and my parents.

Transport does seem to be a bit of a theme for my hobby of weirdo collecting. On a flight back from Kenya, one old lady took a shine to me. I couldn't do anything, every time I tried to read she would strike up conversation, if I watched a film she would nudge me and ask a question, I think you get where I am going with this, Kenya is also a 9 hour flight so it did get annoying. The final straw was when she asked to share my wine over the in-flight meal. I don't share wine with anybody! Plus I needed it all after her incessant chatting.

I am writing this on the train, so let's see what weirdos I can pick up on this journey!

Xxx