We are never ever, ever going shopping again! Why oh why did we think it would be a good idea to drag our two children into the city centre on a Saturday? For some reason everything seemed to conspire against us!
Damien was in full flow as per usual and as he point blankly refuses to go in a buggy, it's always a mission. Today was simply a case of damage control and shop destruction limitation!
Accessorize was the first retail outlet to fall victim to his boystrious ways. A major paddy erupted, because he wasn't allowed to dress up as a fairy! In fairness had an un-approving Daddy Pig not been there, I would more than likely have popped on the fairy wings and given him a wand! Daddy Pig on the other hand marched him out of the shop.
The next unsuspecting 'victim' was a well known sports shop, as Damien had peed on his shoes yesterday, yep thanks Nanny Plum! we needed to buy him some new shoes. Damien on the other hand wanted roller boots and a bike hat! Not content with trainers, he took out an entire display which I tried to tidy up but abandoned after he ran off.....so apologies to whoever had to clean it up!
The worst thing about the sports shop is that I didn't even get to look at a single pair of shoes because I spent the entire time chasing after Damien, feeling like 'that' awful mother who can't control her child. Needless to say Damien again was picked up and frog marched out the shop!
Daddy Pig and I are both feeling frazzled by this point and given we are only two shops down, it's not a good sign! So it's off to Debenhams, the shop which is so unchild friendly it's not even funny. It's just sodding steps everywhere which is a nightmare with a buggy and a toddler who is at this point refusing to walk! We headed to the toilets as our first stop and we get there to find a sign saying they had been moved to the first floor! Bloody typical! Back to negotiating all the steps it is!
Next stop was BHS for a new quilt and lunch! Dennis by this point is also refusing to go in the buggy, so it is now being used as a shopping trolley. We enter the cafe and finally persuade Damien to stand on the buggy board at which point Daddy Pig got distracted and let go of it. Due to the weight of the shopping it tips over sending Damien and the shopping to the ground. This was met with horrified gasps from other customers....and leaving Daddy Pig and I just about to crack! Damien gets up, brushes himself off and said "that was unexpected, very unexpected!".....he is two and a half!
With all of us at breaking point we sit down to eat! Damien protests over everything and to top it off Dennis is sick all over himself!
When we finally make it back to the car, Dennis cries most of the way home until he falls asleep! Stressful is an understatement! With both boys in the car asleep Daddy Pig and I sit on the front door step shell shocked and staring blankly into space. My word, it was hard work and it was only 13:30pm.
The rest of the afternoon went without a hitch until we decided to walk to the Co-op to buy a BBQ. Now this tale really does sum up our luck. Damien ran riot in the shop which is fairly normal and always stressful. When we got to the check out I gave Dennis a biscotti, then turned to Daddy Pig and said, "it's even stressful going to the Co-op" his reply, and yes he did speak too soon was, "it's not been so bad today"
At that point, I look down to see Dennis chocking on his biscuit, I quickly stick my finger in his mouth and remove the offending item. This obviously makes him gag. Not content with just bringing up a little bit of sick, he throws up the entire contents of his dinner and was covered from head to toe in sick! It was green and genuinely like something from a horror movie!
The lady behind the counter took pity and kindly helped me clear up as much as possible. Dennis by this point is wailing, so I have no choice but to pick him up for a cuddle! The result = mummy now covered in green sick too!
We leave only to remember we had forgotten to buy the BBQ, the one item we actually needed. Daddy Pig ran back into the shop to pick one up and when he leaves the shop it started raining! So no BBQ for us!
Plus poor little Dennis is sweating and not feeling well at all. It's going to be a long night! Hope he feels better soon.