Saturday Caption Time

It's finally the weekend and as we no longer get to have a lie in as parents it can only mean one thing, yep that's right it's Saturday caption time! Check out the little beauty below and please add your sat caps! Xxx

My son the fireman

Not content with being called fireman Sam, Damien has decided he wants to be called fireman Tom, no idea where he has got that from. He has become obsessed with anything to do with fire, you name it he wants it!

One of the problems I have with this is that he shouts 'FIRE' really loudly when out in public. This causes people to slightly panic, similar situation I guess to shouting bomb on a plane. This morning there has been a fire at our house, jolly babies and the worst yet , the doctor waiting room!

He has also developed a love of sliding down the fire pole. The problem with this is that we don't actually have a fireman's pole at home. Therefore, he has created his own. Let me give you a few examples;

1. My leg
2. My back
3. His high hair
4. Dennis' high chair
5. Any electric cable
6. The stair gate
7. The bannister
8. Other children
9. My arm
10. Actually any body part he can cling too.

I expect you can see where I am going with this, yep he will slide down anything.

He has also taken to wearing a red fireman hat everywhere we go! I can sometimes persuade him to leave it in the car but only with a bribe. Usually sweets.

Perhaps he has already decided what he wants to do when he is older.

Butter wouldn't melt

I swear if you look at my little boy, you would think butter wouldn't melt. Trying not to be a biased mother, but he does have a smile that melts a thousand hearts! His big brown eyes and bee stung lips will get him far, but deep inside lies a little monkey just waiting to break free from its shackles.

Now for those of you that don't know Damien, he likes to push boundaries, in fact he doesn't just push them he knocks them so far into next week it's not funny! Needless to say, trying to find the right discipline technique is a minefield.

We have tried the naughty step, and that was a disaster. I lost count of the amount of times I put him back on that step. He genuinely thought it was the best game in the world. Not only that but he would often take himself off to the 'step' and laugh hysterically....so not the technique for us. It doesn't help when you also have a baby who requires attention and I just didn't have the time or hands to follow it through.

Although he is a challenge, I do know the importance of being consistent and following through! (sorry, my potty brain seems to think of farting in your pants and leaving a skid mark, when I say 'follow through').

So, next step was taking away toys when he was naughty. Well let's just say I didn't have a bag larger enough to store all the conviscated items! So that technique wasn't for us either.

Our latest trick is 'time out' when he is naughty, I tell him it's 'time out' time and put him in his bedroom, on his own for a few minutes. I explain to him why I am putting him there and then walk away. This actually worked.....the first few times. But now we have a dilemma.

When he goes in 'time out' he has a wee or a poo on the carpet! The other day he curled one out right on the stair gate. I genuinely don't mind accidents but I am 99% sure this is a behavioural problem and a protest at being put in 'time out'

Today, I took him to the toilet first before I placed him in 'time out' and we didn't have a problem. However, he is a clever little man and will soon wise up to my technique. What do I do now???

Answers on a postcard please.....

Any tips would be great! Help please.....

My blogging journey

Well everyone, I have been blogging for two months now and I have to say I am loving it! Not only is it a space for me to let off some steam when Damien and Dennis create mayhem, it has also opened up a whole new social world for me.

I never knew there were so many fantastic mummy bloggers out there all with there own unique story to tell and helpful advice to share. There are networking groups, awards, link up, memes, products to review, money saving tips, meal planning Monday. The list really is endless.

When I started my blog, I genuinely had no idea that this other cyber world existed and over the past two months my blog has started to evolve and become part of the blogging community. Everyone is happy to help each other out with tips on creating a successful blog and how to gain more readers.

One of the key things I have learnt from the other mummy bloggers is that you shouldn't care what people think and try not to write what you believe people want to hear. It's your space so write what you want. If you love blogging people will love your work too. Just keep in mind why you started blogging in the first place.

I am always a little nervous when I blog, will people like it, do people think I am being silly? Are the things that go through my mind every time I publish a post, but all the lovely comments I get give me more confidence to continue further into my blogging journey.

When I bump into people and they say I love your blog, it really does make my day.

I have to say, I think I have caught the blogging bug and am a little addicted! I hope all my lovely readers stay with me on my quest into the blogging world. Thank you all for the support over the past two months, I hope I have kept you all entertained.

Love the milkshake mummy. X

Beautiful Blog Award

So my lovely blogging buddy Emily over at familyfourfun has only gone and nominated me for a beautiful blog award.

I am very honoured as I have only been blogging since May and lets face it we all like an award. Now before I get too busy writing my award speech, and don't worry I have no plans to do a Kate Winslet on you all, I have a few simple tasks to complete;

1. Thank the person who nominated me and link back to their blog.

2. Tell you seven things about me.

3. Proudly display the badge.

4. Nominate five other beautiful bloggers.

So let me tell you seven things you didn't know about me.

1. I have never been to see a live gig, concert, football match or festival.

2. I can't say the word 'asked' properly.

3. I have no fillings.

4. I once played the back end of a donkey at the Mayflower Theatre during a performance of Joseph and his technicolour dream coat.

5. I made a sex education video when I was at uni. Not a porno before you ask. God that one is going to bite me in the arse!

6. I once asked for a paid job in a charity cafe. Got laughed out the door, I was only 13.

7. I had a pervy driving instructor who used to put his hand on my thigh and say slowly off the clutch. Yuck! He used to let me smoke though so I thought it was cool. Not so much now though.

So I hope you all know a bit more about me.

Now it's my turn to nominate some lovely mummy bloggers for a beautiful award.

http://www.really-rach.blogspot.com

http://www.diaryofafirstchild.com

http://www.mummyisagadgetgeek.co.uk

http://www.teawithfelicity.blogspot.com

http://www.mygorgeousboys.com

Weaning

Well everyone this is my last breastfeeding post as part of the keep Britain breastfeeding scavenger hunt, and I have to admit I am feeling a little sad. I have really enjoyed sharing my experiences with you all and hope you all enjoyed my journey.

My final post is all about the next stages and weaning.

Both my boys have never taken a bottle, with Damien I left it far too late to introduce one and he would just not have it. I must have bought every bottle and teat going. You name it, I tried it. Nope he was firmly a breast man and there was no substitute.

Although I was enjoying feeding, it was taking its toll a little as I just could not leave him for long. First time around I was very anxious that he was going to go hungry or thirsty. I discussed my situation with the health visitors and the doctors and the advice I was given was to just make him go 'cold turkey' there was no way that was going to happen. It's all very well to give that advice when you aren't the mother of that child and every bone in your body tells you too feed your baby.

Secondly, if you just stop feeding your poor boobs will get so sore and engorged. No one wants that, it's much better to slowly cut out feeds and do it slowly.

With Dennis who is my second, I am much more relaxed, I was adamant that he, unlike his brother, would take a bottle. We had success at the beginning but he came down with bronchilitious at four weeks old. This made me stop the bottle as I knew he could feed from me and get the comfort and the nutrients whenever he needed it. Since then, we have tried a few bottles but with no luck. This time around I haven't gone out and bought all the bottles under the sun and when he is ready he will just take a cup.

I guess it's easier second time around, I am much more relaxed, i don't fret about if he is getting enough or take any notice about the 'norm' to stop breastfeeding when he is six months. It's our journey and we will end it when WE are ready too and not before.

I really must stress that however you choose to feed your baby, don't feel bad or pressured into it. It's a personal choice and one which has to suit you both.

Breastfeeding for me, has been a much greater experience than I could ever have imagined and without a doubt I will miss it when I choose to stop.

Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and I help I have given a few helpful tips along the way.

Check out some more fab bloggers for some more breastfeeding info!

http://www.lifelovelollipops.wordpress.com

http://www.lifehappenssosmile.blogspot.com

http://www.betterbirthing.blog.com

http://www.petrah.co.uk

http://www.breast4babies.blogspot.co.uk


Make sure you enter the competition below to win over £500 worth of amazing prizes. Good luck! X

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To cry or not to cry

I have always wondered why we use the term 'controlled crying' surely no crying can be controlled. If I was sad I would want someone to comfort me and not leave me to cry, come in and say two words and then leave me to it for five minutes before gradually making their visits fewer and more far between. So why do we do this to babies.

Can you really control an emotion?

Now don't get me wrong it really is a matter of personal choice but having tried and failed, I'm not sure it's the choice for me.

Yes my children don't sleep well so I am in no position to give advice, I just have to do what feels right for my babies. I often think about trying sleep training but as soon as I hear that little cry, the thoughts go out of my head and turn to getting into them to check they are ok.

Both Damien and Dennis have very strong wills. When we tried to control Damien at around 18 months of pure sleep deprivation and utter desperation it took 4 hours to complete. He finally fell asleep sat up, with his face pressed firmly against the cot bars. The technique did work for a few weeks until he became unwell and everything went out the window. We decides we couldn't face another 4 hours and that it just wasn't for us!

We may come across as weak for not being able to control cry but I think it shows strength to continue having disturbed sleep night after night, week after week, month after month.

I am not even talking about our little ones getting up once or twice a night. We went through a phase where we were up 7 or 8 times a night for weeks on end. It was relentless, stressful, exhausting and at points emotional but even at the worst points I would not go back to controlled crying.

Just because it's not for me doesn't mean it isn't for others. What are your thoughts? I would love to know what you think...

Saturday Caption Time

Evening all,

It's that time of the week for Saturday caption. Save yourself the money of buying a postcard and just comment below instead. My top tip for being frugal.

Looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

Together Everyone Achieves More

As you all know by now, I am taking part in the keep Britain breast feeding scavenger hunt and it's that time of the week when I post my experiences about feeding to hopefully help you along the way with your own personal breast feeding journey.

This week's topic is 'support'. Having a support network really is a god send. Friends, family, your partner, health visitors and support groups can all play a vital role in making feeding your baby that much easier.

Now all of the above are important, one thing missing from that list is the support of a good bra! Getting this small (...but not in size) piece of equipment right is a must for any mum planning or currently breastfeeding. Too tight and it can block your milk ducts leading to the dreaded mastitis and if it's too loose you will look like you are carrying round a bag of spuds.

It's recommended to get your bra around two weeks before your due date. But don't be afraid to go back and get measured once your milk comes in. Your boobs are amazing but they aren't crystal balls that can see in to the future! You may find, like me, that you have an abundance of milk (yes, when they have been engorged I could make Jordan jealous) and need a bigger size than expected. You may also want to consider a bigger size for night time as that was when my boobs would get massive and the bra would just not fit.

Basically, if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't! Go and get re-measured and try and go when your breasts are full as that will affect the size you are given.

Although partners can't physically breast feed for you, they can still provide essential support. Keeping you company during the night feeds in the early days, fetching you drinks and food when you are feeding, scratching that itch you just can't reach can all help. What's more, and this doesn't even require moving, is to tell you what a fantastic job you are doing, yes guys it really is that easy to please us ladies.

Also, take advantage and let them help in other ways. They may not be able to whip out a moob and take over, but they do have two hands that are capable of changing nappies and outfits.

Also find and GO to your local breastfeeding support group, treat it as your sanctuary and find comfort in that fact that everyone is in it together. Whether you meet new mums or old hands at breastfeeding most people would have been through some form of feeding problem so don't be afraid to ask for help.

These groups give you the chance to get tips on all kinds of issues such as position, feeding frequencies, pain, night feeding, duration, weight gain and many more.

I personally find my group a lot more helpful than talking to my health visitor. Being with people who are feeding or who have fed really is invaluable.

Just remember that if you choose to breastfeed you don't have to do it alone. Think TEAM - Together Everyone Achieves More.

For one of my lucky readers who leaves a comment on this post, you will be entered into a draw to win a product of your choice from the fab Lactivist website. www.lactivist.co.uk

Also check out what other mummies are saying about support by clicking on the following links:

http://www.circusqueen.co.uk

http://www.anewaddition.co.uk

http://www.breast4babies.blogspot.co.uk

http://www.snugglebundl.co.uk

http://www.naturalnursery.co.uk

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The Boys are back in town

We have been super busy since the last time I updated you all on the adventures of Damien and Dennis. Some days have been amazing, whilst others have been amazingly bad!

Last Wednesday saw us take delivery of our new bed! Very swanky, full memory foam and all new bedding too. We just had to go for the king size, and let me tell you ladies that six inches makes all the difference :-)

So there I am putting the finishing touches to the bed and buttoning up the duvet when Damien announces: "I'm taking a wee on your bed mummy!" I have never been so gutted. Daddy Pig and I have looked forward to having a new bed for years!

Within five minutes of the bed wetting incident and Damien in time out, Daddy Pig then drops his watch (not water proof i might add!) down the toilet! Major fail.

We think leaving the house might be our best bet, but on this occasion I really may well have had three children with me. (yes Daddy Pig, I am talking about you).

Whilst having lunch with the boys at McDonald's (ignoring all the eye rolling from you health conscious people out there) we start to get attacked from the next booth with random objects. I look up just in time to see Daddy Pig launching a happy meal box back. "What on earth are you doing?" I said. "They started it" came his mature reply. At this point I tell the children off, Daddy Pig included and explain that it is not acceptable behaviour to be throwing items over the booth. Taking his daddy's lead, Damien lobs something over just as I finish...making my telling off seem worthless!

Cheers boys, I would have had a more civil lunch had I gone to the zoo and eaten with the monkeys.

So we move on to last Friday which saw me tackle town again, but this time minus Daddy Pig and replaced with Nannie Plum. I don't know what I was thinking after last weeks debacle, but nonetheless we braved it. I needed a new bikini for our holiday as for some reason I have decided to embrace my mummy tummy! Big up to all the other mummy tummies out there too. Anyway I digress, we actually don't make it anywhere past lunch! Not a great move as that was our first stop!

Damien threw the mother of all tantrums, one to be proud of in fact. Needless to say you can see where this is going and ended up a disaster. During the heightened stage of his paddy, about a seven out of ten on the tantrum scale, Damien spilt a full cup of fanta all over the table whilst trying to mount it to make his escape. Now, as the saying goes, 'there's no need to cry over spilt milk, or fanta in this case.' but what was truly awful was that it went all over my new iPhone. Doh!

Sod the expression, I cried like a baby when it didn't work for a bit! Furious was an understatement. Daddy Pig tried to call me a few times and he could hear me but I couldn't hear him. Then he tried calling from his work phone which came up as unknown caller and without thinking I let rip, in the linguistic sense not the bodily function end, and would have made even a hardened sailor blush. I realised half way through my expletives that it may not be Daddy Pig, apologised profusely and hung up.

After a weeks holiday we are all fully refreshed and ready to cause chaos back in reality...

I am sure more adventures are to be had now the boys are back in town.....

What I didn't expect when I was expecting!

Pregnancy is a blooming marvellous thing. Nine months for your body to grow and nurture another little life is truly magical. However if I am being honest, I suck at being pregnant! This realisation came as some what of a shock after spending many hours dreaming about how fantastic it would be. Let me tell you my story...

When I fell pregnant with Damien (his real name is Jake) it suddenly hit me like walking into a brick wall that my body was no longer my own and I had to share it for 9 months. The first thing I wasn't expecting was the response from the doctor. We arrive thrilled with our news and spill the beans to the doctor. No congratulations or smiley face just "ok well I will send a referral to the midwife and you will hear from her in about 8 weeks!" that was the end of the conversation. This disappointed me and although they see thousands of pregnant women a year, this wasn't my thousandth pregnancy, it was my first and I wanted to feel special.

The second thing I wasn't expecting was my Mum's response when we broke the news. "Was it a cock up?" she asked. "Yes mother, that is actually how babies are made." We still chuckle about that now. I also didn't expect to feel like a 16 year old again but I was so nervous to tell them.

Don't even get me started on morning sickness. Morning my arse, all day nausea would be more fitting! I have never felt so unwell in my life, every single smell would set me off. Cat food was by far the worst offender and toothpaste just made me gag. Bit of a problem as we had two cats and I couldn't go without brushing my teeth for twelve weeks. I ended up having to use a children's strawberry flavoured toothpaste.

Now comes to the real honesty so make sure you are sitting comfortably. The physical side of pregnancy although tough, didn't even come close to the psychological impact pregnancy had for me.

The first major point which I noticed was how upset and cross I was getting when people kept buying things for the baby. Now I know that sounds silly and ungrateful but it was hugely important to me. I wanted to pick what I wanted, when I wanted for my baby. Looking back now I am sure it was down to feeling so out of control with the changes happening to my body and these little things were the only thing I could control. I couldn't deal with that being taken away from me too.

I also didn't expect to feel such an overwhelming sense of responsibility and really started to get anxious that something bad was going to happen to me and I wouldn't be around to watch them grow up. This feeling tormented me immensely through pregnancy.

The rational part of my brain seemed to stop working and instead filled up with a mix of pregnancy hormones that kept sending awful thoughts swimming through my head.

I discovered several lumps in my arm pit which were actually ingrown hairs but I convinced myself it was something sinister. I had many a trip to the doctors and would feel better for a couple of days until the thoughts reared their ugly head again. I even stopped shaving my arm pits so I didn't have to touch them. Yummy, hairy pits on top of feeling like a whale!

I can now look back on this time with a clear head and understand more about why I felt that way. I had so much love for my unborn baby that I couldn't deal with the thought of not being there for them.

Even despite the anxiety and worry, I felt during pregnancy, I would do it ten times over just to have that incredible magic moment of holding your new born baby in your arms. It truly is an experience that money can't buy! Priceless as MasterCard would say!

Satcap

I need a nice sat cap for this one anyone? Please leave me a comment below x c

From one breast friend to another

Having support when breast feeding is essential in order to make both yours and your baby's breast feeding journey run smoothly and easily. Having a supportive partner, family and friends as well as a great support group is a major benefit. Now before I had my first child, I really didn't have a clue about breast feeding other than the fact I wanted to do it.

I have breast fed two boys and I am going to share some of my secrets to success. So come on and lean in a little closer and I will let you in on a few tips...

Don't let anybody undermine you by saying 'oh they can't be hungry again they have only just fed', that really gets on my nerves! If you were bottle feeding and the baby hadn't finished its bottle and half an hour later decided to go back to it nobody would even question it. The reason for this is they can see the milk in the bottle. Drives me mad! Just trust your instincts and if you don't know why baby is unhappy just pop him/her on the boob. 99% of the time this has worked for me.

Stock up on savoy cabbages, they are great for relieving engorged boobs. Just put it in the fridge and then pop some in your bra. Sounds disgusting I know but it works a treat. You have to remember you are wearing it though as I have had a couple of embarrassing moments when it has fallen out in public! Not a good look. Plus because the milk is warm it does almost cook the cabbage but I promise it is well worth it. When we were first told about this tip my mum asked the midwife if I should eat it or wear it.

One of the key items in any mum's breast feeding wardrobe has to be the vest top! You can put any top on over the top and when you need to feed you will always have your tummy covered. It's fine to show some boobie but not many of us mummies want to flaunt our post pregnancy wobble.

Don't be embarrassed about feeding in public. This for me was much easier second time around and I wish I had more confidence when I had my first baby. Being able to feed anywhere is one of the major benefits of breast feeding so make the most of it. I feed anywhere and everywhere now and to be honest it is liberating. I always think if you can eat and drink out then so can my baby. Don't hide away in public toilets, you wouldn't eat your lunch there would you?

I learnt it was much easier to feed in public after one trip out with Dennis and Damien. I decided to feed Dennis in the car outside Asda but made the mistake of letting Damien sit in the drivers seat. He found he could belly flop the steering wheel and make the horn go off! He found this hysterical and just kept doing it. We happened to be right at the front of the shop and every time he did it everyone looked. He may have well be shouting out: "Mummy has her boobies out everyone take a look." needless to say, my attempt at being discrete was foiled and since then I just feed wherever.

There are several things which I have found essential for feeding. Firstly the magic cream in a purple tube. It's great for easing sore nipples and a must for any breast feeding mum.

Breast pads are also a must to avoid ending up with a drenched t-shirt not the best look I can tell you. I have been caught out a few times.

Also, a breast feeding neckless is essential. I wish I had known about these sooner because it really does stop you getting scratched to bits by those claw like nails. It's also great because they become less distracted. My one is from a fab company called Baby Beads www.babybeads.co.uk.


Enjoy it, before you know it they will be weaned and you will miss the closeness and snuggled up milk cuddles.

Remember to take it one day at a time and every day is a bonus! Keep the small picture in mind and try not to worry about the big picture just yet!

Also find out about your local support group, they are a life line. My local group is called bosom pals at waterside children centre and it is amazing. The staff are awesome and really offer great advice. The other yummy mummies are fantastic and it's a chilled out place to chat and feed in comfort! I can't recommend it enough. Make sure you find your local group!

There are also some fantastic websites out there and one of my lucky readers can choose a fantastic product from the fabulous lactovist website. I just need to work out how to do the competition! The company has some really cute t-shirts with slogans. Check it out and pick what you would like to win at www.lactovist.co.uk

It really does get easier the first few weeks are hard then it's like riding a bike. Promise!

Check out some other mummies post at the links below:

http://www.circusqueen.co.uk

http://www.diaryofafirstchild.com

http://www.thegothicmommy.wordpress.com

http://www.mummyslittlepeeps.co.uk

http://www.twinklemummy.blogspot.co.uk

Don't forget to enter the grand competition to win £500 worth of prizes!

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Out of Hours

Some people look forward to bank holidays but for us they tend to involve the NHS in some form or another. We have been to the out of hours doctor more times than I care to remember.

Not to let the side down, Dennis steps up to the plate for his turn. Normally he is an up the doctors on a Monday morning kinda guy but he decided to mix things up a bit due to the bank holiday.

Now, I can't really fault the NHS team who we actually saw, but the doctor who initially called on the phone was near to useless. The conversation took the usual line of questions; "Does he have a rash? Is he really sleepy?" she asked.

Then she wanted to know if he was feeding okay. I said "He is not wanting to eat any solids but he is breastfed and taking it"

"OK" said the doctor, "but is he drinking milk?" hmmm really? Anyway, I replied, "yes, he is breastfed." "but does he drink milk?" came her reply. I am at this point getting a bit frustrated, "what do you mean?" I asked. "well does he have bottles of formula or milk" she replied. "NO HE IS BREASTFED!" I mean come on, it doesn't take a genius to work out he gets milk from me, unless she thinks my tits produce Fanta! Wow, that must be where I am going wrong!

I was just waiting for Terry Tibbs to pop out or for her to tell me I have a pigeon in my bank account - phone jacker!

She tells me he probably just has a virus and I doesn't need to be seen. I on the other hand disagreed and managed to get him an appointment. It's a good job I went with my instincts because the poor little love has tonsillitis! Just goes to show that mum knows best.

So with Dennis being under the weather, little Damien hadn't received much attention. We thought a trip to soft play would cheer him up and it did! He met a lovely little girl who is now his 'best friend' she must have been about 5 so he clearly likes the older ladies.

When we arrived home, he was in a foul mood as his nap was cut short! He spent a good half an hour whinging before Daddy Pig tried to make him cheer up with a cuddle and the promise of a visit to the sweet shop until he decided to wee all over Daddy Pig! He was not impressed, I on the other hand found it highly comical! Poor Daddy Pig then had to clean up an accidental poo which just about topped off his day!

This weekend has also seen Damien receive a new hair cut! Thanks to Nanny Plum and Grandad Thistle or the 'Butchers of Backfield' as they shall be known from now on, he now has a haircut to match his name and if I am being honest he looks like a little hard case! Shaved head, only grade 4, but all over! It's not even done well, he has a bold spot and a long bit at the back and when he wakes up, it sticks out at the sides like two devil horns.

Both Daddy Pig and I have sworn that his grandparents are never ever touching his hair again!

He called them up today, following assessing his new look and actually said: "Can I have my hair back please? "

WHY?

We all know one of our children's favoured words is 'Why?' Today I am joining ahttp://www.facebook.com/dorkymum and turning the table on the kids with my own list of why questions.

1. Why do some drivers insist on driving so far up your arse they can almost see what you had for breakfast. Would you walk behind me that closely in the street. No!

2. Why do kids wake up at 5am ready for the day even with blackout blinds in their rooms?

3. Why does it rain when you have spent time straightening your hair only to end up looking like a poodle having a bad hair day?

4. Why do some people not get the concept of personal space and stand so close to you in a queue that you can smell last nights curry?

5. Why do people fart on public transport? It's disgusting!

6. Why do babies always take a poo or throw up on you ten seconds before leaving the house?

7. Why do men take an hour to have a poo? If you don't need to go yet don't sit on the toilet and try and squeeze one out?

8. Why can you never remember where you put your keys and phone? 'Have you ever been in a situation where you lost your keys and you lost your phone, where's me keys, a where's me phone?'

9. Why does my mother not get the concept that she doesn't need to shout just because she is on her mobile and not her landline?

10. Why do we go on holiday and always end up speaking with an accent?

11. Why do people shout and speak really slowly to foreign people, they speak another language, they are not deaf!

12. Why do I always pick the wrong checkout and get stuck behind the most awkward customer in the world?

13. Why do I fancy Gordon Ramsey?

14. Why did Damien think the smallest Tupperware pot was a potty and take a leak in it all over the floor?

Let me know yours why? Too! Write your own post and add it to the linki at mummy central. X

Shopping trip from hell

We are never ever, ever going shopping again! Why oh why did we think it would be a good idea to drag our two children into the city centre on a Saturday? For some reason everything seemed to conspire against us!

Damien was in full flow as per usual and as he point blankly refuses to go in a buggy, it's always a mission. Today was simply a case of damage control and shop destruction limitation!

Accessorize was the first retail outlet to fall victim to his boystrious ways. A major paddy erupted, because he wasn't allowed to dress up as a fairy! In fairness had an un-approving Daddy Pig not been there, I would more than likely have popped on the fairy wings and given him a wand! Daddy Pig on the other hand marched him out of the shop.

The next unsuspecting 'victim' was a well known sports shop, as Damien had peed on his shoes yesterday, yep thanks Nanny Plum! we needed to buy him some new shoes. Damien on the other hand wanted roller boots and a bike hat! Not content with trainers, he took out an entire display which I tried to tidy up but abandoned after he ran off.....so apologies to whoever had to clean it up!

The worst thing about the sports shop is that I didn't even get to look at a single pair of shoes because I spent the entire time chasing after Damien, feeling like 'that' awful mother who can't control her child. Needless to say Damien again was picked up and frog marched out the shop!

Daddy Pig and I are both feeling frazzled by this point and given we are only two shops down, it's not a good sign! So it's off to Debenhams, the shop which is so unchild friendly it's not even funny. It's just sodding steps everywhere which is a nightmare with a buggy and a toddler who is at this point refusing to walk! We headed to the toilets as our first stop and we get there to find a sign saying they had been moved to the first floor! Bloody typical! Back to negotiating all the steps it is!

Next stop was BHS for a new quilt and lunch! Dennis by this point is also refusing to go in the buggy, so it is now being used as a shopping trolley. We enter the cafe and finally persuade Damien to stand on the buggy board at which point Daddy Pig got distracted and let go of it. Due to the weight of the shopping it tips over sending Damien and the shopping to the ground. This was met with horrified gasps from other customers....and leaving Daddy Pig and I just about to crack! Damien gets up, brushes himself off and said "that was unexpected, very unexpected!".....he is two and a half!

With all of us at breaking point we sit down to eat! Damien protests over everything and to top it off Dennis is sick all over himself!

When we finally make it back to the car, Dennis cries most of the way home until he falls asleep! Stressful is an understatement! With both boys in the car asleep Daddy Pig and I sit on the front door step shell shocked and staring blankly into space. My word, it was hard work and it was only 13:30pm.

The rest of the afternoon went without a hitch until we decided to walk to the Co-op to buy a BBQ. Now this tale really does sum up our luck. Damien ran riot in the shop which is fairly normal and always stressful. When we got to the check out I gave Dennis a biscotti, then turned to Daddy Pig and said, "it's even stressful going to the Co-op" his reply, and yes he did speak too soon was, "it's not been so bad today"

At that point, I look down to see Dennis chocking on his biscuit, I quickly stick my finger in his mouth and remove the offending item. This obviously makes him gag. Not content with just bringing up a little bit of sick, he throws up the entire contents of his dinner and was covered from head to toe in sick! It was green and genuinely like something from a horror movie!

The lady behind the counter took pity and kindly helped me clear up as much as possible. Dennis by this point is wailing, so I have no choice but to pick him up for a cuddle! The result = mummy now covered in green sick too!

We leave only to remember we had forgotten to buy the BBQ, the one item we actually needed. Daddy Pig ran back into the shop to pick one up and when he leaves the shop it started raining! So no BBQ for us!

Plus poor little Dennis is sweating and not feeling well at all. It's going to be a long night! Hope he feels better soon.