What I didn't expect when I was expecting!

Pregnancy is a blooming marvellous thing. Nine months for your body to grow and nurture another little life is truly magical. However if I am being honest, I suck at being pregnant! This realisation came as some what of a shock after spending many hours dreaming about how fantastic it would be. Let me tell you my story...

When I fell pregnant with Damien (his real name is Jake) it suddenly hit me like walking into a brick wall that my body was no longer my own and I had to share it for 9 months. The first thing I wasn't expecting was the response from the doctor. We arrive thrilled with our news and spill the beans to the doctor. No congratulations or smiley face just "ok well I will send a referral to the midwife and you will hear from her in about 8 weeks!" that was the end of the conversation. This disappointed me and although they see thousands of pregnant women a year, this wasn't my thousandth pregnancy, it was my first and I wanted to feel special.

The second thing I wasn't expecting was my Mum's response when we broke the news. "Was it a cock up?" she asked. "Yes mother, that is actually how babies are made." We still chuckle about that now. I also didn't expect to feel like a 16 year old again but I was so nervous to tell them.

Don't even get me started on morning sickness. Morning my arse, all day nausea would be more fitting! I have never felt so unwell in my life, every single smell would set me off. Cat food was by far the worst offender and toothpaste just made me gag. Bit of a problem as we had two cats and I couldn't go without brushing my teeth for twelve weeks. I ended up having to use a children's strawberry flavoured toothpaste.

Now comes to the real honesty so make sure you are sitting comfortably. The physical side of pregnancy although tough, didn't even come close to the psychological impact pregnancy had for me.

The first major point which I noticed was how upset and cross I was getting when people kept buying things for the baby. Now I know that sounds silly and ungrateful but it was hugely important to me. I wanted to pick what I wanted, when I wanted for my baby. Looking back now I am sure it was down to feeling so out of control with the changes happening to my body and these little things were the only thing I could control. I couldn't deal with that being taken away from me too.

I also didn't expect to feel such an overwhelming sense of responsibility and really started to get anxious that something bad was going to happen to me and I wouldn't be around to watch them grow up. This feeling tormented me immensely through pregnancy.

The rational part of my brain seemed to stop working and instead filled up with a mix of pregnancy hormones that kept sending awful thoughts swimming through my head.

I discovered several lumps in my arm pit which were actually ingrown hairs but I convinced myself it was something sinister. I had many a trip to the doctors and would feel better for a couple of days until the thoughts reared their ugly head again. I even stopped shaving my arm pits so I didn't have to touch them. Yummy, hairy pits on top of feeling like a whale!

I can now look back on this time with a clear head and understand more about why I felt that way. I had so much love for my unborn baby that I couldn't deal with the thought of not being there for them.

Even despite the anxiety and worry, I felt during pregnancy, I would do it ten times over just to have that incredible magic moment of holding your new born baby in your arms. It truly is an experience that money can't buy! Priceless as MasterCard would say!